This is a short playtest for a game I'm working on. The player is sent against their will to "The Manor", a shadowy organization that produces perfectly submissive human sex toys for rich patrons. Can they escape? Will they want to?
Playtest contains "day 1" only. Comments and critiques welcome!
It's a good start and has potential if you keep working away at it,. Looking forward to the next instalment.
I agree with exprmntl about paragraphs and dialogue. This advice does not apply to you along but to many people on here and can be applied across the board to all the games here.
The example was very good for exchange between people. But that doesn't mean you can't mix physical actions with it. Just read any good sci fi author and borrow their technique. A simple example is
Jill quickly stomps toward you. She must be mad about the prank of dipping the end of her ponytail in the ink well.
"How dare you", slapping your face hard.
Reeling from the slap. " Wait it ..."
"Don't lie" Pivoting on one leg, her skirt brushes your thigh. Before you can say another word she is across the playground, leaving you with a red imprint of her hand.
It is dialogue and sometime the maze that makes theses games here worthwhile playing. The story line can be good but it is the dialogue that makes the game interesting. Expressing the emotions of the character is important too. The games here are more like books than action movies.
This I hope is constructive advice to you and most people here, especially those with Patreon pages.
Ps. I hate auto correct
Really good start. I am a little biased as I always enjoy the premise of forced submission.
Looking forward to seeing how this progresses.
It was neat and clean, if not a little bit of a wall of text. Not a bad start at all.
There are however so many ways to present the follow up contents that I really do not know where this is going. It could be a game, with choices and statistic. It could be an AIF with limited choices of action moving the character to a few inevitable endings, or it could be just a story requiring a lot of click-me-to-continue.
There is an interesting point. The story is over 350kB as shown during the download. There are no images shown in the story, at all. The content I saw probably cost about 100k of sugarcube bytes and 20k of content bytes. Where is the rest of that 200kB I have little idea. *wink*
zzzzzzzz......That is what I think of this game. It brings nothing new or exicting to the table. The story does not even make sense at the beginning. Your "Father" dies and leaves EVERYTHING to your "Step-Mother". She tells you that if you sign a piece a contract (400 pages lol) that she will give you some money and if you refuse you will not get anything along with her making your life a living hell. If you have not figured out why this is stupid let me explain. Your "Father" left EVERYTHING to your ""Step-Mother". You already were going to get NOTHING! So by refusing to sign a contract nothing would have changed for you (at least financially).
Beyond that the game just goes into a typical forced submission game like many others out there were it is a linear choice path.