Such good degrading story telling paired with an innocent to slutty image/gif set.
It perfectly matches the character. Hopefully the author picks it up again and continues it.
i liked the game a lot , the story as far goes is good. and if the author reads this i would like to ask him/ her to continue the story , saludos
megusto mucho el juego, la historia hasta donde avanza es buena. si el /la autor le esto me gustaria pedirle que continue con la historia , saludos
pd me disculpo por mi gramatica en ingles no es muy biuena y use untraducor
pb sorry for my english gramma is not some good and used a traslator
Very good game. But i cant save it.
This has to be continued. I simply loved it!
Not only is it one of the best so far, it is also one of those rare games that leaves me wanting more. I am rather looking forward to the next update.
I really like the dark background, and I am not talking about the formatting. Unique. Enjoyable. Slightly short at this stage of development.
There is one big drawback in this AIF though, the author is making it way too complicated for himself/herself. Too many relationship to handle in one time. I am not sure I would be able to see the game finish...
Very well done at this point. Interesting story that seems plausible given the scenario. Jody has some tough decisions. The author is working hard to make a great branching story. After playing through 3 times, my only possible change she might consider is making the reader wonder a little about which choice is really the best way to stay strong. The NPCs actually provide a lot of info regarding that.
Love the writing, can't wait for more!
While this is mostly a choose your own path adventure, its concept with 'livestock' and the threat of .. well .. have gotten to me like few games ever have. This is amazing and have inspired me.
Please find your own inspiration and work it into a 1.0.
This is a great game, sadly a bit short for now. I can't wait to see more it !
First things first. I find the writing to be quite good. Excluding certain grammatical or spelling errors, it is excellent. The story is likewise great, especially considering that this is still an introductory, unfinished product.
I'm typically someone who rather enjoys character customization to a degree. This game lacks that, thus far; however, I am completely okay with that, because the story is well devised, and in depth. You actually get a feel for being stuck in the body of the protagonist. This could easily become one of my favorites if it continues down this path.
Now onto pre-release feedback;
I've noticed a few grammar errors, but being as to how everyone seems to speak English in a different way these days, that's irrelevant. Spelling... there were few, and none super obvious as to stick out (except the Gambling Den where one of the choices during cards is to "Accept the Challange", but most errors simply reflected back to grammar again.
There is a part in the colored text where someone takes on the pink color of Jody, purely accidental, I am sure. It occurs in the scene where you finally reach your room for the first time, and are confronted with one of the would-be rapists from the introduction scene. After the "Listen to him More" selection, the fifth dialogue down, the speaker suddenly takes on the pink coloring of the player's text, and while I am sure most people can easily make the connection to realize the mistake and adjust for it, it is an error nevertheless.
As for suggestions - You might consider using random events. I am not sure how easy it is in HTML, as, I've worked only with TWINE 2... but, in example, the Gambling Den scene, you could make it possible to have multiple outcomes if you choose to press your luck and accept the challenge. Maybe you could actually win big and get a huge boost to your respect to a few people, and a huge loss to Bud's amiability.
Nevertheless: Excellent work so far, and I look forward to seeing this project continued, if you so choose.
Best wishes to you,
Sadly, I do not review many games here. I am just bad at it but wanted to for this game because I think some of the reviewers were a bit harsh.
The colors I think are a good change of pace (Although when she wakes up and the guy is there, one of his paragraphs is in pink not his greenish color it starts with... I told you to stop shouting, didn't I?) The reason I like the colors is when the story is a bit longer, I often find myself skipping over text, even if it’s well written. With the different colors, I tend not to do that plus for me, it immerses me more into the story.
The pictures are good. I feel that as the main character, I am forced into this situation. I don’t get to pick what everyone looks like. To me its part of the story, I meet them and this is what they look like. As far as having it placed as links such as look at his or her face, I don’t think it makes the size any bigger, it still references the same pic no matter how many times you link it. At least that is how I thought it worked. And if I don’t want to click them, I don’t have too. But they are placed in the right spots and again I like how it draws you into the character a bit more.
The writing is good and I like that I can skip over text that I have read through the first time.
Its early in the game/story but I feel the will stat really makes a difference. I played through letting everything happen and again letting nothing happen. I feel a difference. I hate stories/games where the choice you make doesn’t matter and they lead to the same text or outcome.
I like to play characters that are a bit more on the submissive side, and in this game I can and I actually have a choice. I am anxious to see where it goes. I hope it doesn’t turn out where you get punished for having sex (which I am not a fan of) but the sex makes a difference in how you are treated. I find myself trying to think like Jody. I wonder why they kill people instead of letting them go back into the 'wild'. Maybe they are afraid they will try and attack if they know what the place is like.
I like that the character is frail but not an idiot. She seems to be able to hold her own. I hope you keep up with the updates.
This game is off to a great start. Will be keeping an eye out for it in the future.
Of course, thank you for your review.
There are reasons for many things you have pointed:
1. I am orginally a writer, and I usually prefer long descriptions to pictures. The idea of picture/gifs is just what I chose for a change for this project. From what I see around: People are often scared of walls of texts and stories that tend to be prolonged for far too long. If anything: you could call the structure of this project a 'fan-service', because mainly the opinions on other titles made me pick up such a way to show the Zombie-like universe. This is a project which is supposed to reach more Players, and the goal is to make it fun and enjoyable without making it a literal masterpiece.
2. The size issue - well, I read once that we live in times, where 60mb is not much different than 600mb. I decided not to focus on size issues, unless it becomes really enormous.
3. As for the looks of character. I never look at my projects in a way: This girl looks the greates, this guy is the hottest. I realize that there is no account for taste. In the project characters have their personalities and looks and that doesn't mean that I want all of them to give a boner with the sweet little spark in their eyes... They are meant to be, who they are meant to be. That's all.
4. As for grammar issues - I admit that all I did so far is put all the pages through MS Word check and corrected only the words underlined by the computer. There was no reading done on my side, as I was hoping it won't cause too big understanding troubles. Might need to revise this one. Thanks.
1. The 'look at his face' was my personal choice. Not sure if it generally turns well or not. I know how to create simple in-text hyperlinks, it's just that I kinda hated these in the games I played myself. It is meant for players to keep in check, who are they dealing with, when they are not yet used to the names. But if more people dislike the idea, sure I will change it or erase at all :)
2. About the colors: Again - my personal preference is to NOT keep the text all in white. Experimenting with the colors too much maybe is not too great of an idea. I will consider toning it down to probably: white for descriptions, Pink for the heroine, and two other colors for males and females in general. I am open to suggestions about these.
Despite some gramar mistakes like "it's 2045 year" (which would be better if it's "It's the year 2045." i think) The story sofar is alright. The most glaring problem now though is the over abundance of 2 things.
-To often use of "Look at his face". You dont need to have that in the first place, you can instead make the name of the character a hyperlink to that page (while keeping the text as the name of the npc.) You can look at Twine guides to find the correct way to do this.
-Much , much to much coloured text. Use bold or cursive text instead, cause coloured text along side ordinary white texts makes it look like some lines are popping out while others are beveled/ indented in to the background and can cause nausia/motionsickness in those people like me who suffer from that effect with games alot. When reading it looks to me like the text is constently moving around like a 3d image and that can cause nausia.
Other then that, good start, keep up the work.
Straight off, you have a brilliant premise. Your writing style is... satisfactory, too. It's decent. And most of the picture/gif selection is decent but you don't need to add one for every little thing, it increases the size of the game too.
But there are big glaring problems. I'll list down a few below-
:Try not to provide pictures mostly for other NPCs. Let imagination do the trick. What's hot to one dude is a boner-killer to another. Nice succulent descriptions are just..better.
:Grammar issues. Geddit checked before you publish everytime.
:There is absolutely no need to use such bright colours for the fonts and to capitalize things unnecessarily. It's an eyesore. Maybe even use a lighter font. Heck, times new roman is simple and decent. Would work much better/
:Dialogue is flat. Very very. Apart from the leader of the livestocks, most of them have very flat dialogue.
Would I reccomend? Not at this stage, no. It's a long way to go to something satisfying.
Really good. Can't wait for this to continue!
Really good for me. Much better than most here.