Firstly I will state I'm aware this is a rudimentary game currently more as a test of sorts than a proper fleshed out idea, anyhow let's begin.
Overall if this were fully finished now, with a finale and everything, I honestly would abandon the title. It isn't bad but the disjointed pacing and story are a difficult sell and will likely turn many potential fans off of the title as a whole. Like I said, get a handle on where we're going to end up, and work on your pacing, once you get those down I think you have a very solid basis here to work into a truly good game many people will want to play (and get off to) but you definitely got some work ahead of you. Best of luck
I'm liking the direction your heading with this concept. Not a huge amount content up but enough to get the idea of the layout.
The files in the 0.022 have a lot of images missing compared to 0.02 , like alot alot. I just copied mine over into the new updated folder but might want to fix that.
Overall enjoying the work you put into it.
Very excited to see this develop! Not much content atm, but I like the potential.
Loving the concept. A lot of the time with this style of game it feels like you're continually pushing a story arc forward (or a couple of arcs). Instead in this game you have what feels like self contained mini stories with the MC getting into various scrapes all of which are helped to look like a progressing story of unfortunate events all tied together through his workplace as a semi focal point, which makes a refreshing approach and I'm a fan of.
There are a few gramatical errors here and there and I think the use of yellow for one of the characters conversations is a little harsh on the eye but hardly something to affect gameplay considering this game is in development and can be refined as feedback comes in.
Lovely start, I like the concept and the layout feels nice and different so I'm looking forward to seeing the updates when they come through. Keep up the good work and keep coding on! :D
First thing I'd Like to say is i feel some people review's (Red-XIII) are abit harsh, after playing the game which is definetly a concept but there is enough content to experience what it be like when more content has been added.
I belive it has protental to be a great game. There is alot not implemented yet but is understandable due to it being a concept.
Keep Going with the game, it be interesting what you will do with the game.
Pretty interesting, actually.
Red's treating the review column like a personal space to hit piece OP-Ed everything they don't like about it led to this review.
For a first try in Twine, remarkably well done. As someone else who is working on a piece in Twine, I, too, wrote the story boards that go from front to back. If I released it now for feedback, I'd have a similar attack piece on how I gave illusion of choice but no choice as I had not fleshed it out yet.
The pictures used are fun. I understand, as a concept release, the character reactions and little details won't be there yet. I will look for those in near completed versions.
Thank you for sharing your game! It is yours to do with as you see fit, but I wanted you to know I have enjoyed what you've shared with us thus far.
Pretty bad actually.
Poorly matching format. The story is entirely linear thus far, but it's wrapped into the same "light lifesim" style that PE used. Well, PE was detailed and varied enough for it to fit (even during early stages). Vast majority of 100500 sissy games that followed (this one included) are not. So what we end up with is a game that asks you where you want to go and what you want to do when there's only one direction for you to go and only one thing for you to do next. When will people realise that a shoddily crafted illusion of choice is actually worse than none?
Disgustingly neglectful level of polish. Dialogues repeat themselves a lot and they aren't designed in a way fit for repetition. Attempting to re-do some of the tasks lands you on a blank page, re-doing others breaks the story flow making you "re-experience the past". And the story itself doesn't flow particularly well either. There's zero explanation as to how and why MC ended up stuck in his predicament and the description of his reaction to his situation is insufficient. "I'm stuck with a malicious AI on my wrist, and I get put to sleep if I try to remove it. Oh well, might as well give up and let it do to me whatever the hell it wants"... really??? no, REALLY???
Zero content interactivity. Though it's too early to fully judge that aspect yet (the "game" is hella short thus far), for now there's literally none of that. All you get is a collection of scenes with zero visible ties and consequences anywhere.
Poor content variability and poor content. Again may be too early to fully judge but what's there thus far feels repetitive. Minor task>hypno>minor task>hypno>minor task>hypno>minor task>hypno>world shift>minor task>hypno>minor task>hypno>minor task>hypno>end of content ...
And all of that with practically ZERO reaction from MC to any of it. You get to hear him complain from time to time, but that's it - no reactions you could enjoy whatsoever - he doesn't squirm, he doesn't blush, and he doesn't resist much either. Just does what he's told in "full robot mode" like he's not even a person.
Poorly matching selection of faces. Yep, it's bad enough to be worth noting. First of all the MC's "male" pic looks more like a female than a male. It's well beyond androgynous. It's not a particularly attractive looking face either. Then there's the AI. Don't take this the wrong way author-san, but your pic is a poor fit here.
AI generally wouldn't "need" a face in the first place. And if anyone would "normally" give a face to an AI it's to facilitate "human connection". For which you'd follow the general "receptionist fit" preferences. In other words you'd look for a cute yet approachable female. Goth is a niche look and it's neither cute nor approachable (it generally stands in opposition to both).
For an AI designed by some evil pervert(s) for "anti-personal domination" one might pick a more domineering look ("I eat subs alive" kind), but again the pick doesn't exactly fit that either.
Story integrity aside... Goth is a niche look. Again, not trying to be offensive but you have to realise - looking at pale face and black lips is NOT a treat for a wide audience. ... unless it's a zombie/vampire flick ... which it isn't
I normally wouldn't raise an alarm over two poorly fitting pics but those exact two are the ones you get to look at the most and they are both so poorly fitting that they pretty much ruin the game's impression (what little is left of it anyway).
Loving the concept! Will be very interested in seeing this get off the ground! Good luck, and hope it's a success!
Definitely not a bad start, but there's still too little content to judge it. Nice pics thought!
I have a feeling this will turn out to be a super linear game without much input from the player, which isn't really a good thing, as it won't feel like a game at all, but just a story.
Its a nice start for an early version. Are there issues yes there are but this is where constuctive feed back helps the developer. Not being a game developer myself just one who plays i cannot even fathom the time and effort put in. There is a saying "Do not throw stones in a greenhouse" so have patience leave constructive critiques because so many games on here end up unfinished that have good ideas.
It's a really good start from me, as the author said it's ealy days and linear yet the premise is good and it shows potential.
Side note: I thought I recognised the ai and when I went on your reddit I saw why, lol good to see a fellow r/femboy, your makeup is gorgeous!
The story part is not the strong point.
gameplay/mechanics: lacks any creativ thinking
several open links and wrong game loop management.
It needs lost of work padavan.
I know and I understand that the content is very little and I should've probably listed it as a concept, for now, I just wanted to see if the direction was right so I can double down on it and release some reasonable content as soon as possible 😓
The idea seems really neat but in its current state there is 0 content.
It has links to things but nothing is implementated.
task tracking doesn't update, you get sent to bed an hour after you wake up if you complete the task, to pass time you click a link until it is the appropriate time. Its a really neat idea but it needed some more time in development before being exposed to players.
sorry if this seems harsh but there really is very very little content