Changing Rachel

Author: drpete
Version: 0.0.9
Last Updated: 2016-03-22 01:00:20


Review by apocolypse101
Version reviewed: 0.0.9 on 2017-08-19 14:53:49

I really enjoy the game and the photos and videos fit really well.  The story is intriuging and I want to hear more!  Please update this again!


Review by RedGhost
Version reviewed: 0.0.9 on 2016-03-29 10:06:01

v0.0.9:

It's alright for a work in progress, but I swiftly found myself not caring about Rachel on the only path available because it was such a spiteful path.

Photos and images are alright and fit the story, but are a bit scattered all over the place (consistency with faces is a bit of a immersion breaker) and the options available are thin except for what it as the start of the story at this time of development.

Still I'm interested to see more of the story development. A lot of work left to go though, but still worth a look.


Review by ImmortalRegis
Version reviewed: 0.0.4 on 2016-03-17 08:12:23

Ouch, its gonna need a lot of work.From a storytelling perspective.

 

You'd probably want to start out complaining about the wife, with specifics. Very important, right now there's no clear sign about what she's doing wrong and why you would go to this extent to change it.

Looking for a book in the library and using it to make computer programs that change her tech is a bit weird to me, thats very subjective.

I think you'd either use a magic book and use spells on her, Or find some shady hypnosis software on the internet. Both also allow for lots of story expansion later on.

 

On writing. I didn't see any error's (but i'm basically blind so that doesn't count).

a serious lack of writing, Its not bad, there's just to little of it.

write more stuff, in case of sex scenes you can talk about positions, mindsets, sensitivity, orgasms, ...

there's lots of goody to be had and you stopped after 1 line.

 

focus on this before you add multiple choices.

and ofcourse look at other games to see how they did the writing.

You can do it with some practice.

 

some examples

first page --> delete, then write some stuff about the main character, so we know who he is, not this something has to change stuff.

second page --> introduce wife AND explain what is wrong with her in his eyes, make sure its multiple things, layered, so a normal couple can't get it figured by talking to eachother.

 

good luck :P

 

0.0.4

That's a pretty big improvement already. The story starts making sense now. With actual characters and actual problems.

Good job, now keep up the good work.


Review by Danaume
Version reviewed: 0.0.1 on 2016-03-14 13:17:16

Well, this isn't really a game. There are no options at all. It's just a story really, and one that is rather lacking in story. There is very little description, and what there is, seems to be written as though the main character, an adult married man, is a preteen, using juvinile slang like boobies. It's not bad or anything, it just really doesn't seem to be much at this point.