Consept is Solid but the game play is not. Keep up the good work.

Nothing works, yet, except one scene. I guess this one should be version 0.01 instead of 1.0.

That said the concept is nice and the theme is popular, so I am having my finger cross.

Awesome game ! Love it !!! Looking forward to seeing where it goes :)

It's good form to include a link with the character's description to take the player back a page, rather than having to use Twine's back button. Other problems exist, but they've been addressed by other reviewers.

I love this theme in stories/interactive stories/games, so I'm inclined to give this game the benefit of the doubt (even though it's so incomplete that I can't tell if it's going to be a game or a story yet). However, your grammar and punctuation were really bad -- I'd score your writing somewhere between "awful" and "atrocious" -- which made the story hard to read. Run-on sentences were especially common, along with capitalization and punctuation errors galore.

In short, it's a good concept, but it needs lots of polish before it could be considered a good game.

Once I cut through the code, I actually enjoyed your work.

First off, file names and directory names should be lower case in the files and code.  School gym and principal (not principle) use a mix of cases.  So when I fixed the directory with one the other blew up.  I was ready to quit after the gym and principal visits thinking that's all there was.  When I looked at the files, I said, OMG.

The code is easier to read if you start a new line for the start and end tag of each tw-passagedata.  Notepad++ is a free code editor that can do the replace (\n is newline) and then you can hide blocks of code.  I use QuickEdit Pro for Android and it's not as nice.  Both use color to make the tag name stand out amongst others.

You did a slick job of using an array to handle random hypno gifs.  I might have named the files hypno_01.gif ... and then concatenated the file name with a random number followed by the file type.  That would eliminate the init code, but wouldn't make much difference otherwise.

As for typos,  Notepad++ will also do spellchecking for you.  Or you can run the game and for each page, grab all the text; drop it in a word processor like Google Docs, openoffice.org Write, or MS Word;  identitify the errors; fix them in the code.  That's what I did for Ol' School Blazin'.