Quinn Kiles, superstar athlete and ace spiker for the Lions, has his hopes set on winning the final game of the volleyball season. He's worked endlessly to achieve his goal, but just as his season is cut short, he's given an opportunity to start from scratch.
Hi all! This game is still in production, and as such is incomplete. Once the main storyline is completed, I'll be able to add different branches and different outcomes, as well as change some of the defaults in Twine. At the moment, it's very linear and is more along the lines of narrative with about 95 minutes of reading/content.
Added in version 0.0.4:
All comments and criticisms are welcome, as this is my first text-based game. Enjoy!
Quinn Kiles - Driven and focused, Quinn is set on being the best he can be for himself and his teammates. Regarded as the Kitten Conference Player of the Year, it's widely accepted that he's a true force to be considered whenever an opponent goes up to block him. As the captain of the team, he accepts that he will do anything the ensure victory. Height: 6'3" Position: left/wing spiker
Sam Notey - Quinn's long time setter. Sam tends to set per the recommendations of the spikers, leaving the majority of the decision making up to them as they have the vantage point over the net. Height: 6'0" Position: setter
Josh Pagur - Actively a driving force on the Lions' offense. With high jumps and significant strength, Josh is no pushover. He consistently breaks two guards, forcing opponents to decide just how many resources they need to send to stop an individual Lions' spiker. Height: 5'11" Position: left/wing spiker
Clare Hafner - The women Lions' captain. Although doesn't share the same burning resolve of Quinn, she consistenly plays her role effectively for her teammates, regardless of where she's needed. Often times too caring for her own good, she can come off as a bit of a softie, even when trying to be stern. Height: 5'9" Position: setter, libero
Jenny Tesio - The women's powerhouse and ace. Similar in many aspects to Quinn, Jenny uses raw power to blast away her competition. When she is set up on the left, there's almost no stopping her straight shots. Height: 6'3" Position: left/wing spiker
Taylor Arms - A strong spiker and energetic member of the team. She's critical to the rotation, as she consistently steps up to the plate while Jenny is in the back line. Height: 6'1" Position: left/wing spiker, setter
Sarah Gates - An all-around player that is effective at recieving and spiking. Sarah might not be extremely proficient at one role, but she easily fills gaps when certain players are off of the court. Height: 5'10" Position: opposite hitter
Jess Jacobs - A key server for the women Lions. Her range allows her to mix up her serves, which often causes turmoil for the opponents who might try to predict what she'll toss out. Height: 5'11" Position: opposite hitter
Ali Reams - As the tallest member on the team, Ali excels at blocking and pushing out her opponents across the net. She has been known to falter against taller opponents, as they are infrequently taller than her. Height: 6'4" Position: middle blocker
Jeff Korsingis - The Kitten Confrence main broadcaster for the majority of the action that goes on the court. Jeff has a 15 year career in voleyball braodcasting and is an alumnus of Bobcat University.
Pierre Hall - The Kitten Conference analyst. He explains and examines spiecific moves made by the players during a game. Pierre had a winning career at Cod University and won two national champtionships during his tenure.
I'd like to be far more possitive about this game, but... but, for all that The Roaring Serve is, on a technical level, well written, it does so little to engage the reader with the characters or the subject matter that I have to recommend skipping it.
We have a volleyball fan here. For a fan it can be exciting but most of us have fallen asleap midway.:(
I actually don't like the pictures at all. Adding pictures just for the sake of adding pictures is redundant and only detracts from the story.
It's actually really interesting reading a story here with such sharp expertise on the fundamental subject of the narrative. One can only assume we have a fan of volleyball writing here. It really is an interesting choice and I'm happy to see a story with an athletic focus that can be taken seriously.
However to say it's very linear is an understatment, it's just plain linear. At this point all you can really do is decide whether or not you want to experience some character interactions with seemingly no effect. It doesn't even get very far either. Having said that, the writing is pretty good and I'm more interested in seeing things resolved than I might have initially expected. I'm curious about how much choice will actually make its way into this, but it's early on so I suppose there's still some chance. I suppose if it's just a matter of love interests, that's probably fine. I'll still probably play it through.
I'm looking forward to more and recommend most people give it a shot even in this state. You'll find out pretty quickly if you like it. I'd say this is definitely more of a character driven story, rather than fetish driven.
Oh yeah, and the perspective of the writing. Because this is so linear I don't totally mind that it's not in first person, and compared to most examples of 2nd/3rd person writing around here it's not bad at all. That being said, I find it feels more immersive to make choices in the story with a first person perspective. It's just something to keep in mind.
Good jorb so far!
A very enjoyable read where you captivate the reader's interest in Quinn's success.
Your volleyball knowledge really shines through the writing, to the point where you can comfortably guide beginners through all the concepts.
One technical detail to consider is the tense. Most twine games are written in 1st person (narrator describes "you" taking action),
whereas here you use mostly 2nd person (Quinn is described as "he" or "she"). Be cautious of making the passage transitions read
like they're in 1st person (consistency is key).